Different Kinds of Loneliness

Are there different kinds of loneliness? I think there are, I don't feel lonely at all in the aspect of having friends and family. But I do feel lonely with having someone who shares the same morals, thoughts and beliefs as me. Like I do not know anyone who's vegan, lgbtq+ or pagan... Sometimes I just feel so misplaced with the people I am with, even though I love them more than life, I really do, but I just feel misplaced. I wish I could sit and discuss Hecate, whilst eating a vegan sandwich and yeah.. Haha, no but really... I just I dunno how to explain it though. I'm not lonely, I don't feel lonely in that sense. But maybe someone will understand what I mean.

I posted a picture yesterday on IG that stated ''Just because I'm on a different path, doesn't mean I'm lost'' and it's so accurate. It is so darn accurate. I'm not lost because I have stopped following the stream. I'm so much more happy, and that's like the biggest fact of 2017.

I am and will continue for the rest of my life to just follow my path. One day my path will cross another ones path and we will create a path together. But I have so much spiritual healing to do and 2017 will be that year and it has begun. Yesterday I booked my flight to Italy once again, I'm going in a few weeks and I'm so happy about it. I will be going by myself, but it's something I just have to do. I need to make Italy a good memory. Me and my camera are going on an adventure and I know it will strengthen me so much. I don't know if I'm going to do video art or regular photography this time. But it will be well nice.

Well, time for lunch and then cleaning time. I'm home alone (flat mate is gone for a week!!!) so I want to make it cosy.

Peace out, love life and follow your path <3

A Little Bit Happy

Sitting by the table, drinking hot lemon water and listening to music. I'm just enjoying my evening after a great day at work with wonderful people. I really love my new job and the people who works there. I've never felt such dynamic with people at work before. We just are. We are us and everyone accepts everyone and we have a laugh together. I love it, and I'm so happy I got the new job. New chapter for me.

Calvin Harris - My Way has been played a lot these couple of days and I get so happy each time I hear it. Not only do I feel that the song is relatable as fuck (my latest ex, haha). I really feel that she was the one in my way to be me, I couldn't... Man I loved the woman but, as time passes I just know I did the very best choice for me as a person and for my future to break up with her, even if it killed me in the beginning and I thought that I'd die a bit. Universe sent this song for me to hear the other day.

Talking about universe, I don't know if I've been particularly open with my beliefs and such... I am pagan, and I do believe pretty much in mother nature, the moon and the sun. And since I embraced it more, these passed months (I've been a believer for the passed 15 years, but haven't celebrated 'my' holidays and openly practising until I was about 24), I have not only been happier, calmer and more content. I decided to go vegan again after almost 10 years, and that has been the absolute best decision I've made for my body ever. I have so much energy, I'm so happy. My eating disorder is not gone, but it's controllable and I can eat. I am eating, I am eating and losing weight. And the sun is back, She has awoken again and the light is  back to the northern parts of this earth. Soon it's time to plant seeds and such for the summer to be harvested in the beginning of autumn, I am beyond excited!

In a few weeks I'm having like 7 friends over for dinner, vegan dinner and everyone is so excited to be trying some new food. I'm lucky to have such friends that just accepts that I am now eating only vegan food. I'm thinking about veganising some of my favourite Chilean foods. Like vegan empanadas! That will be well good!

 Well this was one long entry, I think I'll be ending here and continue to study and preparing for my photoshoot that will be happening over the coming weekends, I'm so so so excited for that.

Peace out, love each other and embrace life!

Life's Great, But Today is A Bad Day

I've been ''reborn vegan again'' for over a week now and I must say that I am so happy with my choice! I have more energy, I've lost some kg's and I'm just feeling better with myself. I've been struggling with an eating disorder for 15 years now and I've been super good with hiding it and hiding my anxiety with eating food. I've struggled with binge eating, starving myself and sometimes I've made myself throw up. I haven't had any, at all, anxiety over eating for over a week. Probably because I know that what I'm putting in my body is not only healthy for me but also it's healthy for the earth. I haven't felt much craving for sugar or anything like that, I had a treat yesterday and usually when I do that the cravings stay for 2-3 days sometimes I get off track for an entire week, but not now. And that feels absolutely amazing. I know it hasn't been a really long time, but I am defiantly feeling the differences.

Well, it is soon to be 11pm and I really should sleep since I'm going to be up in a few hours for some work. I have been working every day for a week now, and it will continue to be every day for this month. How I'll manage, I have no idea but I guess I will have to. It's only temporarily so I guess that's what's keeping me going.

Even though I feel great, today has been a bit of a down day for me psychologically. I don't know why, maybe because I'm tired and absolutely knackered. I get these days where I like, just look at my dog and starts crying because I get full of this horror of one day losing him. Like if I have a bad day, it's that horror the emerges first.

Well, now I'm going to cuddle up with the dog and the kitten of mine and just soak in the love my furballs have. Tomorrow is a new day, with new vegan food, more dog kisses and more kitten cuddles.

- Good night, peace out   

When The Sorrow Takes Over

An unexpected message that brought tears and more tears. The sorrow... Oh, Lord, the sorrow. Imagine feeling that nothing else matters, life doesn't matters. I think we've all, or most of us, have felt that '' What good are we?'' But, imagine when you really think that the world would be better off without you, or that you just can't bare the pain anymore. Oh, that message... What if everything was different. What if I would have been able to be there, hold his hand, hug him and tell him that big sister is here. Big sister will never leave you. Big sister loves you. If he only knew how much I love him. How amazingly happy I was when he was born, when I called and my abuela answered and told me that he was born. I was so happy, ten years old and yet another time a big sister, to him.

I know his sorrow, we share a lot of common things. One of those things are the reason we are no longer together. I wish everything was different, but of course it's not. And it can't be changed. I've accepted that. But what if, what if I had been there... Maybe, maybe we could have shared it. I could have protected him. But I couldn't. His sorrow is his, no one else's and that's so sad.

It's so sad. If I only could have been there for him. I feel so broken for him.



I have to live my life, I can't let sorrow slow me down or get me to stray paths. I need to live my life, I need to win over this. We were 7, we were a good team. So I'm gonna do this for him.  I'm done with games, sorrow and hate. I need to live. I need to take control over my life and my choices, it's my life and no one else's.  For him, I'm going to live my life.



Please find peace.