A Little Bit Happy

Sitting by the table, drinking hot lemon water and listening to music. I'm just enjoying my evening after a great day at work with wonderful people. I really love my new job and the people who works there. I've never felt such dynamic with people at work before. We just are. We are us and everyone accepts everyone and we have a laugh together. I love it, and I'm so happy I got the new job. New chapter for me.

Calvin Harris - My Way has been played a lot these couple of days and I get so happy each time I hear it. Not only do I feel that the song is relatable as fuck (my latest ex, haha). I really feel that she was the one in my way to be me, I couldn't... Man I loved the woman but, as time passes I just know I did the very best choice for me as a person and for my future to break up with her, even if it killed me in the beginning and I thought that I'd die a bit. Universe sent this song for me to hear the other day.

Talking about universe, I don't know if I've been particularly open with my beliefs and such... I am pagan, and I do believe pretty much in mother nature, the moon and the sun. And since I embraced it more, these passed months (I've been a believer for the passed 15 years, but haven't celebrated 'my' holidays and openly practising until I was about 24), I have not only been happier, calmer and more content. I decided to go vegan again after almost 10 years, and that has been the absolute best decision I've made for my body ever. I have so much energy, I'm so happy. My eating disorder is not gone, but it's controllable and I can eat. I am eating, I am eating and losing weight. And the sun is back, She has awoken again and the light is  back to the northern parts of this earth. Soon it's time to plant seeds and such for the summer to be harvested in the beginning of autumn, I am beyond excited!

In a few weeks I'm having like 7 friends over for dinner, vegan dinner and everyone is so excited to be trying some new food. I'm lucky to have such friends that just accepts that I am now eating only vegan food. I'm thinking about veganising some of my favourite Chilean foods. Like vegan empanadas! That will be well good!

 Well this was one long entry, I think I'll be ending here and continue to study and preparing for my photoshoot that will be happening over the coming weekends, I'm so so so excited for that.

Peace out, love each other and embrace life!

Health Choices and Vegan

It's late and I really should sleep but I'm researching and studying, tomorrow is my first day of work this week. I was hit by a nasty bug and has been coughing like an old man for days now. But fever is down and I*m feeling energized so I might as well work. So I told my boss that I have been offered another job and that I had said yes and going to quit within 2 weeks. I was scared shitless to tell her but it turned out really good and I feel happy and content.

Hmm... Other changes ? Not really, I've decided to go vegan again. I started to be fully vegan today and I really feel as though this is the right choice for me, my health and well being. I don't know how I*m going to solve it with my new work but I think it will work out fine, I guess I'll have to bring my own like soy bites and substitute it for the meet and skip the cream and such as.

Well, now it's time to sleep! I have to, going to be up in 6 hours. Goodnight and peace out, love each other

Queer, Pan or Bisexual Homoromantic?

Tomorrow uni starts again. I've been accepted to a course I've wanted to read for ages but haven't had the points to do so. But now I do!!! It's Disability and Rehabilitation Science, and I'm stoked. It will open so many doors for me, I'm still on the program I've been on since spring but I really wanted to read this course and it's what I want to work with so I felt that it was the perfect time to do so. It's at another uni but a great one, in one of the country's biggest cities. I couldn't believe it when I was accepted, but that's what hard work and good grades get you!

At the moment, I am listening to Beatrice Eli, drinking some tea and thinking and rethinking a decision I have to make tomorrow that will either make it break or succeed to the best possible. Tomorrow afternoon I will know, I will have to, haha. I know what my heart wants but the question is if I SHOULD do it. We will see. Need a good talk with my mum and with my best friends before I make the decision again I think. I spoke to them all yesterday for a good hour each but you know how it is... You think you've made the choice but then you sit down and start to think about again and you are more confused then before.

Well, soon time to take a walk with the dog before I need to prepare for work tomorrow. I like Mondays nowadays. It's nice. But it's swimming on Mondays at work and I can't put on make up, haha. I have been able to get my eyebrows on fleek for weeks now and the days I don't wear make up I feel so naked, haha. I've found a new side of me that I had no idea I had, but it's funny. I like whom I've turned into and it really feels as though I've found myself. This past 1,5 year has given me a lot of lemons but I'm so thankful for every little drop of that sour lemon juice, I'm seeing things from different perspectives and all and I'm just finding myself. I've broken with people that couldn't help me grow into the person I wanted and needed to be, I've cried rivers and I've been angry with myself so many times this past year but it's been worth it. In a couple of weeks me and a friend are going somewhere I've wanted to go for a very long time, and she volunteered to come with me. We haven't known each other for a very long time, like 1 month or so, but she's well neat and nice.

Thanks to this time I can be more open with whom I am as well, I don't identify as a lesbian anymore, I'm ... a human. If they really want to put a label on me I would say I'm queer, or maybe pan. Because... I don't know. Special people will catch your heart no matter what. Sexuality still confuses me as fuck, because I only fall in love with women, but I would hook up with a man, you know? One said that it's called bisexual homoromatic. Maybe so. But even if it confuses me I'm still content, because I don't feel the need to label myself. I will take each day as it comes and when I meet the right person for me I'm sure it will all fall in place. It usually do, doesn't it? Oh well, one day I might label myself again or maybe I won't. Only the universe knows.

Sexuality

Sexuality... that's a word I think we all overthink. Are you straight, gay, pan, bi, trans etc etc... But does it matter? I know for some it does really matter and it's important to define their self-being. BUT DOES IT REALLY MATTER? For me, and this is for me only I am not speaking about anyone else's thoughts here, for me it doesn't matter any longer. I have learnt through the years that I am just human. I fall, and I fall hard for someone. I thought it was so important to define who I was and who I am that I put a label on myself without, maybe, being completely honest to myself.

I kind of felt that I had to. Because, isn't that how society works? ''- What are you'' ''- who are you?'' and so on. This past year I have grown ALOT. Lite a lot a lot. And I have realised that I am only human. With human needs and humans feelings and thoughts. And that's how I'm going to define myself for the rest of my life, with whoever I get together with. And it's the most releasing feeling every to just get that out of my system. It feels great!

Well, that was all I needed to get out. So now I'm going to go to bed, smile a bit and sleep through the night with peace.

Peace out

Brisk and Crisp, Just as I Like It

Here I am, newly awakened and the dog is snoring loudly next to me. I feel it, autumn is nearly here, if not already here. The brisk air that just seems to clash with the still very hot sun, the leaves are turning yellow and orange and the mornings are cold and dark. Even though the seasons are changing it feels like summer is clutching itself to the earth, just a bit more, it hasn't finished just yet.

I love the autumn, I truly do! The brisk and crisp air makes me good, all the colours and the smell, oh the smell, of the autumn rain. It calms me, especially the November rains. I love how the asphalt turns pitch black, the leaves seems to get glued to the ground and everything just turns beautiful. I thrive during autumn, the wonderful forest walks, everything! I don't think there are enough words in this universe to describe how good I feel in the autumn, how beautiful I think it is and how just... I don't even know. I love the nature all year around, I mean, who doesn't love to walk on the frozen water puddles and hear them crack under the feet in early winter? I do! Okay, I might need to calm myself down here so I don't go all crazy about everything I love about every season.

Okay, time to put on a bit of extra warm clothes and wake up the dog and take a walk in the woods.

Today I am happy and today I am making a good day.